So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
