Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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