i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
