I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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