the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
