Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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