Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
