My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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