Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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