Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
