just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
