1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
