I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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