No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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