i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
