mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
