all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
