I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
