I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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