im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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