To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
