Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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