how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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