what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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