Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
