he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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