I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
