I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
