so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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