I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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