i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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