Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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