When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I lost the right to judge tonight
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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