I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
