I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
