toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
