you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
