The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
