i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
