I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
