Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
