TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
