can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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