I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
