oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
