He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
