im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
