Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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