Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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