New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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