you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
