i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
